At least once a day, every day, I say something to the effect of "if I didn't have my yoga practice, I'd probably be in jail." This is kind of funny, but it's also kind of true. I often praise my 15 years of dedication to this practice as my saving grace in being a mom, as well as a partner. Being a mom is the most rewarding, heart bursting, eye opening and above all, challenging job I have ever had. Having children is both incredible, and infuriating, and allows for the entire spectrum of human emotion to kick into full gear, sometimes within just a few minutes. My children are a mirror to my soul, and my Self, and that's often not a pleasant thing to face...but wow it's a noble one. My yoga practice has given me the capacity to see my children as my littlest-biggest teachers, which i recognize is not always easy, but it is always a chance to learn and a chance to get deeply grounded.
At this stage in my life, I typically only make it to my mat for a personal physical practice about once a week. However, I teach 8x a week and each class is an opportunity to help people become a little closer to themselves and realize that they have everything they need, already within them. When I have the opportunity to do this, it reminds me of this same truth. Teaching this practice in a way that can be applied to life outside of the studio, has always been an intention of mine, because I use the teachings of this practice, all day long. Practicing mindfulness in movement, eating, how much time is spent on the phone/technology etc. Practicing non-attachment to how events will play out...and non-attachment to nap schedules, or tantrums, etc.
Before becoming a mother, I was already intuitive about my needs. Now I'm intuitive of my needs as well as two other humans needs, and sometimes that can be overwhelming. Actually, most of the time it's overwhelming. So sitting with the wisdom, and the jitters of meeting everyone's needs and letting things settle a bit, is the only way anything gets done. It's VERY easy to NOT sit, and just KEEP GOING...but if I don't take 5 minutes to just sit and breathe...nothing gets done. I learned this in yoga, and it's carried me through every day of motherhood. I am often tasked with holding conflicting emotions simultaneously such as, feeling like my children are my main reason for existing, but also needing some space from them. It can be so intense at times, that if I didn't have my yoga practice to help regulate my emotions through breathing and pausing, I honestly don't know what I would do.
As one of my most beloved teachers just said recently in a class I got to take with her: (paraphrased) your life will not improve just because you can fold all the way in half in a particular shape. The pose/shape itself is irrelevant. The shape is just a vehicle to connect more deeply to your consciousness and process of finding whatever variation of the shape is accessible to you in the moment. It's another way to practice true presence: meeting yourself where you are at moment to moment. If I didn't have this practice for myself, there is no way I could apply that to two other tiny people as well.
Children are a beautifully infuritating illustration of how fickle our minds can be with no filter. One moment my son will be cold, and the next he'll be mad he is wearing a sweatshirt so he'll take it off, but then cry about being cold. There have been many days where my daughter wants to simultaneously walk, while also being held in my arms. As humans, have SO many emotions and without the skills or mental capacity to process and organize and let go of thoughts, it's like a constant stream of overwhelming information being spewed in our face. That's what it's like to be a kid.n . My practice has given me the space to understand this, and as often as I can, apply it to my every moment of every day with my kids. I'm 100% NOT sitting here telling you that I am able to embody this all the time. IM JUST A HUMAN. I have my own tantrums and reactions and moments to all of this intensity...and that's why I keep coming back to my mat. Or jumping in the pool, or hopping on the treadmill. I move my body, to get out of my head, create some physical distance for a couple hours every day...so I can remember how hard it is to be human. When I remember how hard it is, I have so much more compassion for myself and my children.
That's what it's all about right? Cultivating as much compassion as we can...rather CONNECTING to the compassion that is already within us, and bringing it to the surface to share with all beings. To embody, to breathe, and to offer. My kids are my yoga...and my asana practice is just another vehicle to remind myself of this truth.
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