Dear Sweet Isla,
You have taught me SO much in the 6 short months of your life. The biggest lesson though, is self acceptance. I have never been able to accept my body for how it is. I have always tried to change my physical appearance, and strive to be "better" because I have always had high expectations of what I think I am supposed to look like, and what I want to look like. These expectations come partly from what I think other people are thinking of me, when I stand up in front a room full of people to teach yoga to...when in reality, they are rarely looking at my body, but listening to my words and are in their own heads with their own stuff. It's so silly, but it's how I have been for as long as I can remember. When I was pregnant with you, I gained another 50lbs, just like I didnt with your brother. After he was born, I OBSESSED over losing all the weight and "getting my body back" as soon as I could. I focused so much on it, and I eventually "got it back" but not really. The thing is, that I understand on a much deeper level now, is that my body will NEVER be the same, because it shouldn't be! I grew and birthed two whole, amazing, beautiful humans!!! How could I ever be the same, physically, emotionally, energetically, intuitively or spiritually? I never will: and THAT'S A GOOD THING! As of now, I could stand to lose another 15 pounds or so, in order for me to feel a little better in my own skin, and so i could fit into some pants that aren't leggings again...but I am not stressing about it this time around. You have taught me radical acceptance of the fact that not only am I different...so is my life and my priorities. Time is FLYING with you. So fast. Finding time to exercise right now is really hard, and I honestly would rather just spend these short moments with you...and exercise later, when the scheduling of things is more organic and accessible. You are only little once, and I can exercise and restrengthen my body later. It's been so liberating to just accept things as they are right now...and really just go with it. You have given me such a gift in being my daughter, and I am praying every day that this acceptance of myself you have taught me, carries on to you, and that you don't carry this ridiculous burden of obsessing over your body as you grow and change. Our bodies grow humans, and bring them into the world. We are magical, and meant to change; and I hope I can help you embrace all the changes to come. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met, and when I see myself in you, I feel beautiful too. Thank you for being my teacher, my daughter, and my magical little snuggle bug. I love you with my whole being and am eternally grateful to be your mom. I can honestly say, that I am so excited (and terrifed and already humbled) by all the lessons you still will teach me in the coming years.
Rock on sister. I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
Love,
Mommmy
