In The Spirit of Honesty...

The Truth About My 4th Trimester:

Since we've been home from the hospital, i have posted all the sweet, cute pictures of my little angel and gushed over how lucky i am, how happy i am, and how blessed i am. all of these things are true. my heart has more than doubled in size to accomodate the love i feel for Isla, Jacob, and my family of four now. But guess what? there is a whole other side to having a baby that isnt nearly as lovely and enjoyable, but are par for the course.

let me enlighten you:

first of all, im so confused by the comments i have received about "being jealous" of my "home birth experience." We did not plan to have Isla at home, and as much of the experience was empowering, and incredible (because we were both healthy), it was equally as scary and insane and anxiety provoking for all of us too. This "home birth experience" isnt why people have home births. We had no one there to help us until EMT's arrived, and my son was just watching TV in our living room, while our neighbor took care of him. that being said, it all turned out ok, and im very grateful for that.

In Isla's speedy delivery, without a professional to deliver her, i tore pretty good. so guess what? I have at least 5 stitches in my vagina, and on the 3rd day home, one of them popped. so yup. im in a TON of pain, and i cant sit down...only standing or laying for this mama. My milk came in 36 hours after her arrival, which is great! but guess what? my breasts are engorged and im constantly leaking milk all over myself and all over Isla, and our couch, and our bed and my clothes and EVERYTHING. I can't do much of anything except lay around and nurse which is FINE, but it's not the easiest of things to do. Do you think i'm rested? NOPE. i'm exhausted beyond comprehension, and still need to dig down DEEP for patience for my son because the last thing he deserves is for anyone to snap at him during this enormous time of transition for him.

i'm spent. and im completely filled up. i'm depleted and totally empowered. i'm grateful beyond measure, and in such discomfort i want to cry. i'm all the feelings, with very little time to process but felt it really important to highlight that there are many more than just one side to the 4th trimester...it's not all cupcakes and rainbows to give birth...but its completely worth all of the challenges and it's why our race continues to grow.

just keeping it real.

thanks for reading.