Marriage?

This past weekend, I married my best friend.  It was nothing short of epic.  Jesse (husband) and I did have a couple of reservations about doing a small ceremony, and already being married before our formal wedding next year.  We didn't want it to take away from next year, and make people feel excluded or hurt that they weren't a part of our big day.  However, both of us felt that we didn't really want to wait a whole other year to tie the knot!  And out of respect to the other members of our family who got engaged before us, and who are planning weddings, we realistically couldn't plan a big wedding before next spring.  So, we still will have our big day next year, on the same date that we tied the knot at city hall, and we will be married by a Pastor, making it more official under the eyes of a church, and in the eyes of all our friends and loved ones.  We still want this day next year to be as special as any other wedding day, and what will make it special is celebrating with everyone we love.  What could be better than the celebration of our love with everyone else that we love...after having a whole year of being officially married to soak it up?! not too much i'd say.

Love and Light,
Sarah

Tears of Gratitude

Sometimes, when i'm driving, or sitting on the train, I am overcome with a beautiful thought of what is happening in my life. It's like I see images of what will happen in the future, or images of what has already happened up to this point in time, and I am overwhelmed with deep happiness. When I get an image of my wedding day it is only a matter of seconds before I have tears in my eyes. And it's not the nervous, scared kind of tears. They are tears coming from a space, so deep within my heart, the only place they can exist from is pure gratitude. When I think about my family, or how blessed I am to be a yoga teacher as my job, I get the same tears. They are nice, sweet moments that remind me how beautiful this life can be. I only hope that every person experiences these tears of gratitude at least once in their life.

Light and Love,

Sarah

Perspective and Gratitude

For the last week or so, there has been construction happening on our apartment building. And when i say on the building, I actually mean directly outside our bedroom window...sometimes the living room window. Like, look outside to our fire escape and there are the workers! This has posed many challenges for my meditation practice, and has deprived me of a lot of sleep that i would really love to have had! Why do I complain about this? Well, for a good reason :)

When I came home from the gym today, from my swim, I was SO hungry! All I could think about was having lunch. The noise of the workers was irritating me because I was so hungry.

After I ate lunch, I needed to shower. While I was in the shower (temporarily away from the noise) I just paused. I realized, one of the best feelings in the world, is being able to satiate my hunger. As I was taking this hot shower, with a seemingly unlimited supply of hot water with no issue, I am no longer hungry. This small recognition was actually not small at all. I felt deep gratitude for everything I have, and it feels SO good to be so grateful.

After my shower, the noise of the construction workers didn't seem so loud. :)

With Love, Gratitude and Perspective,

Sarah

Meditate. Acceptance. Love.

The year 2011 was so full of beautiful, wonderful happenings and people in my life. My family overcame a huge milestone, my best friend asked me to marry him, my career as a yoga teacher started to materialize and my friendships felt solid. I couldn't have asked for more, really. I came back into myself after a rough 2010, and remembered how much I like my own company. Though, in all of these lovely things, I got a little lost in the shuffle. I felt a little unbalanced as the year ended, and wanted more balance in my life. So for 2012, I didn't feel like I needed resolutions. I felt like I needed goals. My first goal on my list is:

-meditate for 20 minutes every day.

So far, I've only missed a couple of days, but on those days, I have been sure to either do something for myself, or take 5 minutes before bed to reflect on what i'm grateful for in my life, or in that day.

I wanted to bring back my daily meditation practice because when I'm adamant about it, I always feel better. It's easy to avoid my cushion, because sometimes I just can't sit still, or I don't want to face what I know might be emotional. But I have noticed now, that on the days I don't sit for 20 minutes, I feel it at the end of the day, and I crave meditation.

I spend a lot of time alone at home. This might sound sad or depressing to some people, but I actually love it. I can move when I want to move, I can clean, sleep, eat, work, whatever. Though, during my days and hours I'm not teaching or preparing for a class, there is always an inner dialogue happening that I often wrestle with instead of surrender to. For January, I promised myself I would take 2 days off each week from teaching. Last year, I only had 1 day off and it was definitely better than no days, but a lot of times it didn't feel like enough time to breathe and gear up for the next week. So my schedule has significantly downsized, and I'm spending a lot more time at home.

Most of these inner dialogues include some form of criticism of myself in some way or another. Some days it's my body that I criticize, some days it's a class I taught. A lot of times I wonder if I should be pursuing a more active teaching career...for example, planning more workshops and seeing who will have me at their studio or space to teach. Or trying more proactively to get more classes at other studios or gyms. But when i'm able to acknowledge that inner dialogue, I know I need this quiet time at home, this space to be myself.

I tend to be someone who gets very excited over many things whether they are ideas, relationships, new clothes, anything! I see the best possible scenario, or the best in a person, I get excited to make it happen and I put my whole heart into it. I open up, share myself, my ideas and hope that it sticks or is able to follow through. What blows my mind is that until right now, I don't think that I've really fully "learned" from this...because often times it starts out strong, my excitement is contagious, my positive energy is soaked up...and then it's left alone because it's too overwhelming, it's too intense. The thing is, I dont know how to be any other way. When I try to keep things to myself, people think I'm being cold, or withdrawn.

Being someone who is often times too open, too sensitive and gives the benefit of the doubt, I end up hurt or disappointed. Though, the times that I have been able to welcome someone into my life who is not scared of my eagerness to love, have fully out-weighed those who shy away. For a long time I thought I should try to calm myself down, not get too excited, or curb my passion as to not scare people away. But I love that I love everyone in 5 minutes, and I love that I love what I do! I love that LOVE is one of my favorite words to use. And it's ok if that isn't everyone's cup of tea.

What it all ends up boiling down to, is self acceptance. Some days I bask in it, other days I'm not so sure...on the days I'm not so sure, something or someone in my life always reassures me, when I least expect it. So even though it can feel like a slap in the face each and every time someone blows you off or pulls back or leaves entirely, someone or something always balances it out. It's all about finding the balance between keeping an open heart and guarding it gently when necessary, in order to survive.

Light and Love,

Sarah

LOVE update

So. As some of you may have realized, i didn't exactly keep up with my 30 day love challenge. However, that's not completely true...I came to terms with something about myself that I always knew, but decided I now appreciate.

I always have wished that I was better about taking pictures of events, friends, whatever. But something else I realized this month, is that the reason I dont take a lot of pictures is because I get so enveloped in what I am doing, that I dont want to stop to take a picture. a lot of time, i feel that i am ruining a moment by asking people to stop what they are doing to smile for the camera. i also realize that's not the only way to capture a moment, but for me, i'm not a photographer. i love admiring other people's work, but i dont take pictures. i am much more of a rememberer without the pictures.

so as december was happening, i was keeping my eyes peeled for different Love pictures or situations, and i saw tons of them! I just didnt have the time to sit down and write about it. I saw people helping each other, I saw the word Love spray painted or Love stickers stuck in random places. And i felt TONS of love from my students around the holidays especially. I had a handful of students give me PRESENTS! I mean, the fact that they think of me outside of coming to class was like the most amazing love ever!

So to sum up, there is love everywhere, every day as long as you are open to receiving it. it doesnt need to be captured in a picture, but in your heart, so you can then pay it forward :)

Happy new year to anyone who reads this blog, and hopefully i'll be a little better about regular posts!

Light and Love,

Sarah Pearl