Today, I had a moment and felt inspired to write about it tonight. I realized in this moment that I had, that my new decisions and all these new changes have started to change me and my ability to react, or not react to certain situations.
Leading up to this moment:
On sunday, I had to leave my other half, and say "see ya" for 2 weeks. Now, two weeks is not the end of the world, this i know, but it does feel like a long time. He literally completes any missing or unbalanced parts of me, so to not see him for 2 weeks sometimes feels like a lifetime (especially after such a lovely weekend together). So feeling kinda low, I went to teach my sunday night class, and felt a lot better after.
On monday, I went home to NH for an eye appointment, only to find out I needed glasses, that were going to cost me a lot of money. Feeling kinda bummed, I went home, had a glass of wine, took some deep breaths and went to sleep.
On tuesday, I get asked be the maid of honor in one of my best girlfriend's wedding. Super high and excited! I spent the afternoon at the studio, teaching and taking class, and feeling great.
Today, I found out that instead of getting a regular class at a studio I was really hoping to teach at, I am being added to the sublist instead; which is totally fine, but I of course got my hopes up a bit and felt a little disappointed.
So, on my way to class to teach this afternoon, I was reflecting on the many ups and downs of my week so far. Though I reacted to these ups and downs, my reactions felt controlled, and not too dramatic. I do feel very frazzled today, but I was overcome with a tremendous sense of comfort in the thought of going to teach yoga. I felt comforted by being in a studio, on my mat, with my breath. Being able to spread this love, this breath, this comfort to other people...that's why I want to teach yoga, all the time. It was another very clear reminder of how our asana practice can be such a wonderful reflection of our lives off the mat. One day a certain pose becomes super difficult, and with practice, it becomes more accessible. One day a certain person, place or thing becomes super irritating, but with practice it becomes just another part of your day. I don't think that the goal should be to eliminate the irritating people, places or things. I think the goal should be to face them, and witness your own reaction to them. When we are able to witness ourselves in different situations, then there is space for breath, contemplation, peace, controlled reaction, or non-reaction. And recognizing that some days this will be easier than others. The days that are harder to do this, are not bad days, but opportunities to learn, grow, and try again.
Today I felt as if I was sort of witnessing the events of my week thus far, assessing my reactions, and felt some space around everything. But please, don't think I'm a saint...I flipped out at the TV tonight because I was trying to unplug the cable cord to reconnect it somewhere else to try and record a show on the VCR. I couldn't do it and I got SO mad. I felt heat rising in my body and got pissed off. I decided to walk away, sit down and ask myself why I was so pissed. I really want to see a show tomorrow night that I won't be around to watch. Is my life going to suck if I don't see it? NO. So take a deep breath and let it go. It's a show.
So, we're in a constant flux of emotions. As long as we're able to make it to the place of questions, self-inquiry, and non-attachment, then that's what counts. The ups and downs are where we can learn the most about ourselves which is a gift in itself. It's the journey of life, which we are blessed to be a part of as long as we are on this earth.
Inhale non-attachment, exhale frustration.
Inhale compassion, exhale judgment.
Inhale space, exhale holding.
Inhale love, exhale hate.
Inhale, to exhale.
Light and Love,
Sarah
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