I'm not exactly sure how to start this, so i'll delve right in. Most of the time, I think that I have too much compassion for my own good. Being able to read people, pick up on their emotions, tap into those emotions, and intelligently interact with people based on those emotions, is quite frankly, exhausting. and please, don't think that i am some kind of emotional genius full of all the answers. actually, i think i could become something quite incredible in terms of reading people, but in all reality, i am way too scared to tap into the power i have felt in myself before. why? because when i have dabbled in that area, i have never felt more alienated from people. SO many people shy away, because on some level, they know that i can see them, and it FREAKS them out.
what happened in our world, to make everyone SO defensive? I am just as guilty as everyone else for being defensive. i dont know how it started, or what made it this way, but its like a circle that seemingly won't ever break. It's so rare to find someone who you can have an emotionally intelligent conversation with, without that person relating EVERYTHING back to their own life, or just assuming within that conversation that its about them, and putting up their defenses. I suppose, either way, whether i allow myself to be open and defenseless, tapping into the power (that we all have but seemingly refuse to recognize) or ignoring that possible power, both are alienating for different reasons! So, what do i do? choose the lesser of two evils? i know in my heart that the former is a much more sustainable option, and will most likely lead to a more fulfilling life...but how do i start? it's so hard to understand how people can't understand the feeling of where a lyric like "we shine like diamonds in the sun. every one of us everyone of us, may all beings be happy and free" might come from! How do i relate to people who have trapped themselves inside their own head, so far away from their hearts.
its so hard to just put everything out in the world, and get nothing in return. its not like i've gotten NOTHING, but sometimes it feels like it. people are so quick to shy away from taking any responsibility for their actions, and defending themselves for everything. why do people think in terms of being at fault?
even more, why do i notice all this sadness and negativity? on the flip side, i've abundantly noticed how it can be the other way: beautiful, positive and full of love, everywhere you look! but i guess i feel like if i don't see both sides of this, then i'm not seeing clearly. the sadness strikes me as such a tragedy because it makes people feel like they aren't loved, they aren't being heard, or they are alone.
we have become prisoners of ourselves, and are too scared to free ourselves from our own imprisonment! its ludicrous actually. its quite beautiful and amazing, the capacity of human emotions, and intelligence...and on the flip side, its quite mind boggling how we can crush all of that beauty with our minds.
i often think its easier to just focus on the positive stuff, and know all the beauty in the world, wouldn't exist unless the yucky stuff was there to contrast it...but then i feel like i have a burden on my shoulders for ignoring the yucky stuff, because sometimes it just hurts too much to see...to really see i mean.
it always comes back to finding a balance...and i always come back to ask, how do i find a balance of something that feels so out of balance already? the best answer i've come up with is to continue with my yoga, and listen to my heart. never again will i tell my heart to be quiet, because i always get in trouble when i do.
light and love,
Sarah
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