Pondicherry Idol

This time, 3 years ago, I was in India and incredibly homesick. literally physically sick at how much i missed my family. the people on my trip weren't exactly the kind of people looking to make new friends/family, surprisingly enough. So a friend i had made, separate from the program who was from France, made my thanksgiving fantastic. He had been living in India for about a year, and ran a french-indian restaurant. We spoke only french and it was like I was just in a completely different, but wonderful world. So, for thanksgiving, he did something as American as he could for me...he took me to Pondicherry Idol! HAHA. Pondicherry is the name of the town i was living closest to, and they had created their own version of American Idol. He got us tickets, and he even introduced me to the contestants afterwards, because some of them were french, and they were nearing the final rounds. That gesture was so wonderful, spectacular and full of care, that i was so filled with gratitude for having made such a beautiful friend, and felt comforted for the rest of my semester. the people you meet have such beautiful power to change your life. it's miraculous. missing him, missing the majestic india, but forever in the most gratitude possible for that life-changing semester. :)

light, love and so much gratitude,

Sarah

Compassion and Feedom

I would love to hash out my latest observation of life in this post:

I'm not exactly sure how to start this, so i'll delve right in. Most of the time, I think that I have too much compassion for my own good. Being able to read people, pick up on their emotions, tap into those emotions, and intelligently interact with people based on those emotions, is quite frankly, exhausting. and please, don't think that i am some kind of emotional genius full of all the answers. actually, i think i could become something quite incredible in terms of reading people, but in all reality, i am way too scared to tap into the power i have felt in myself before. why? because when i have dabbled in that area, i have never felt more alienated from people. SO many people shy away, because on some level, they know that i can see them, and it FREAKS them out.

what happened in our world, to make everyone SO defensive? I am just as guilty as everyone else for being defensive. i dont know how it started, or what made it this way, but its like a circle that seemingly won't ever break. It's so rare to find someone who you can have an emotionally intelligent conversation with, without that person relating EVERYTHING back to their own life, or just assuming within that conversation that its about them, and putting up their defenses. I suppose, either way, whether i allow myself to be open and defenseless, tapping into the power (that we all have but seemingly refuse to recognize) or ignoring that possible power, both are alienating for different reasons! So, what do i do? choose the lesser of two evils? i know in my heart that the former is a much more sustainable option, and will most likely lead to a more fulfilling life...but how do i start? it's so hard to understand how people can't understand the feeling of where a lyric like "we shine like diamonds in the sun. every one of us everyone of us, may all beings be happy and free" might come from! How do i relate to people who have trapped themselves inside their own head, so far away from their hearts.

its so hard to just put everything out in the world, and get nothing in return. its not like i've gotten NOTHING, but sometimes it feels like it. people are so quick to shy away from taking any responsibility for their actions, and defending themselves for everything. why do people think in terms of being at fault?

even more, why do i notice all this sadness and negativity? on the flip side, i've abundantly noticed how it can be the other way: beautiful, positive and full of love, everywhere you look! but i guess i feel like if i don't see both sides of this, then i'm not seeing clearly. the sadness strikes me as such a tragedy because it makes people feel like they aren't loved, they aren't being heard, or they are alone.

we have become prisoners of ourselves, and are too scared to free ourselves from our own imprisonment! its ludicrous actually. its quite beautiful and amazing, the capacity of human emotions, and intelligence...and on the flip side, its quite mind boggling how we can crush all of that beauty with our minds.

i often think its easier to just focus on the positive stuff, and know all the beauty in the world, wouldn't exist unless the yucky stuff was there to contrast it...but then i feel like i have a burden on my shoulders for ignoring the yucky stuff, because sometimes it just hurts too much to see...to really see i mean.

it always comes back to finding a balance...and i always come back to ask, how do i find a balance of something that feels so out of balance already? the best answer i've come up with is to continue with my yoga, and listen to my heart. never again will i tell my heart to be quiet, because i always get in trouble when i do.

light and love,

Sarah

Light Lemonade

Whenever I have a really fantastic weekend, or time with all my best friends together, I stay high from it for about 3 solid days. But by the end of the third day, I start to just drag! It's like delayed withdrawal or something. That's how I was feeling yesterday. I have noticed since everything happened this summer, I've been taking comfort in foods much more than I ever have before...and last night, I was about to reach for some ice cream, and decided...bleh, it's just going to make me feel ickier.

So this morning I decided to fast for most of the day, and just cleanse a little. I realize that a full blown cleanse needs to last more than a day. But today, I didn't have to work so I thought it would be a good day to do it. I'm usually weary of things like this because I tend to be a train wreck and a half when I'm hungry...but today I was fine! I drank that master cleanse lemonade and water until about 2pm...then I had a light salad and more water. then tonight i just had a bowl of ceral and a little hummus/pita, and a cup of Kava Relaxation tea. I feel fantastic! I just needed/need to stop snacking on those extra little comfort foods because overall they make me feel nasty and bloated, and then I'm not very nice when I'm not feeling so hot.

I was actually less irritable today than I've been all week, which surprised me. I think it's because I felt lighter, therefore less stressed out. Good stuff! Nothing like a day off to reset and get ready for one more day of work, and a weekend full of yoga! I'm so happy I took thursdays to myself. It will definitely be the best thing for my immune system, and my emotional stability this winter. I'm happy with my decisions!

On a different note, the rain certainly brings down people's moods...but I think it's nice sometimes to just stay inside and cuddle up and enjoy a chance to stop. I realize not everyone has this opportunity on a week day...but think about all the life that the rain is helping continue. All our beautiful trees must get thirsty :) and the wind! the wind on all days, but especially days like today...it's magical! It can cause such gusts, and yet it can be so gentle. Happy sigh :)

Light and Love,

Sarah